When a child makes the decision to move from the family home, a parent can only wish them well and hope for the best. Unfortunately, when my daughter made that decision almost two years ago, I knew that would be the worst mistake of her life. And as usual…I was correct. Seriously, I’m rarely wrong and I know almost everything. My daughter will back me up on that.
After the worst two years of both of our lives, she broke away from the hell she was in and started making major life changes. One of which was to move back home.
She was settling back into her room. She was helping around the house. She was sitting around talking with me in the evening. She was making a mess in the kitchen. She was drinking all of the milk. She was eating all the food. She was using all of the conditioner. She was doing all of the same things she did before she moved out, but she still had the experience of living on her own. Even if it was for three months and in some of the worst conditions, there was still that taste of independence.
I remember the day I moved from my family home. My mother gave me a greeting card and started crying. I choked back tears too but not for the same reason. She was losing her daughter and I knew I was making a mistake. Maybe she was crying because she knew I was making a mistake too.
After I was married and had three kids and I knew things were bad and I wanted out, I considered moving back home. I chose more misery at the house I was living in with my kids and soon to be ex-husband. Packing up three kids and moving in with my parents was worse than living in a miserable marriage.
It’s not that living with my parents would have been horrible, and it’s not that my daughter isn’t welcome in our family home, but when I look at this from both sides, I can really understand why you can’t go back home. If an adult can’t make it on their own then they must be a failure.
Not logical, but certainly a consideration for every child that has left their family home and had to return.
In my case, I ended up in my house with my kids and the husband moved out.
My daughter? She has moved out again. This time in a more responsible way with a more responsible partner.
Too soon? In my opinion, yes. We’ve discussed it. They’ve discussed it. Now it’s no longer any of my business. As long as she is behaving like a mature responsible adult, I don’t need to be in her business.
I have three adult children. Two live on their own and one is still under my roof. If any of them needed to move back home with me I certainly couldn’t say no, but when they return it sure upsets the household dynamic.
